Honors Level
by flannelninja
Summary: Eric Cartman is finally moving up in the world of South Park High… and all because he did his homework. Will he be able to survive his new set of classes? OC story. Submit your OCs.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Honors Level

**Author: **flannelninja

**Summary: **Eric Cartman is finally moving up in the world of South Park High… and all because he did his homework. Will he be able to survive his new set of classes? OC story. Submit your OCs.

**A/N: **I really wanted to do this, basically just to see if I could. I will most likely ask you a lot of questions about your OC so be prepared.

**Chapter 1- Meet Your Counselor**

Eric Cartman woke up that morning feeling groggy and apathetic. Today he was supposed to meet his counselor with his Mother to switch classes or some bull like that. He didn't really care. His classes were so easy he could pass without even turning in a single assignment. Cartman's friends were always surprised by the calculating and ambitious Eric's lack of interest in getting good grades. He always reminded him that his college resume was more than sufficient enough to impress any college board.

So as Eric walked through the doors of the high school (after begrudgingly holding his Mother's hand as he walked across the street) he really didn't care about the meeting in the slightest. He thought in no way would it affect him. His thought life would remain the same; occasionally he would go on a badass adventure with Kyle, Stan and Kenny; occasionally he would pull some totally sweet prank on Butters; but he'd still have to come to school and nothing would really change about it.

Unfortunately for the members of Mr. Garrison's seventh period, he thought wrong.

O-o-O-o-O

Eric and his mother dressed casually (but not _too_ casually for a meeting with the counselor) took a seat in Mr. Mackey's office in the two chairs in front of the man's desk. Eric noted it wasn't as messy as it used to be. Maybe he really had been a compulsive hoarder—

Mr. Mackey cleared his throat and called Eric's name, drawing his attention from his thoughts.

"Yeah?" The boy sniffed, rubbing his nose on the sleeve of his red coat. His mother looked at him worriedly. He did have a slight cold. Maybe he shouldn't have come to school today.

"I was just telling your Mother about how Mr. Garrison told me how well you were doing in his class, mm'kay?" Cartman thought back. Was he doing well in her class? It was remedial English. It was almost impossible not to be "doing well, especially when your standards were as low as Cartman's. His eyes finally shot open in realization! He had actually read the book! So when Mr. Garrison asked him about what Odysseus was compared to when he came out of the bushes and approached Nausica, he was able to answer "a mountain lion" as opposed to his usual answer of "Hell if I'm supposed to know."

He laughed. "Yeah, real well."

Mr. Mackey looked at him concerned. He had always thought something was off with that Cartman boy. Here he was, laughing maniacally at who knows what. "Mmmmmmm'kay…"

Lianne suddenly interjected. "Mr. Mackey and Mr. Garrison think that you should be switched from remedial English into an honors level class. If you keep up the hard work, they think you can even graduate early."

"G-Graduate early?" Cartman stuttered. This was a dream come true! He could go off to college… maybe after two years… no, one year! He'd just have to work hard, and—

"We want you to get a tutor, mm'kay?" Cartman's jaw dropped. Someone having authority over him? He did whatever he wanted.

There was a rap on the door.

"Come in, Marcus," the large-headed counselor called.

A lanky boy with large, thick red glasses adorning his face entered. He saluted the counselor eagerly. "Hello, captain," he joked.

Cartman looked at the boy quizzically. He had never seen this clown in the whole year he had attended the high school.

"This is the head of the tutoring club. He will get you all matched up with the right tutor for you, mm'kay?"

Cartman blinked. He was two seconds away from bashing his head into the desk and throwing a temper tantrum. _How can I get out of this?_ He wondered. A light bulb flashed in his head.

"I don't have time for tutoring… I have football practice." Everybody knew about his reign as the first freshman linebacker in South Park history. His size helped him tackle anyone from the opposing teams… as well as Kyle, when he felt like it.

"Not to worry, friend," Marcus beamed at the word. Obviously, he didn't have many. "We can make a schedule around _you._ We're _very_ professional that way." He grinned again.

Cartman turned from the boy towards Mr. Mackey. "So when does this… the new schedule… the tutoring… start happening?"

"Tomorrow, mm'kay? You can have the rest of the day off. I imagine the change will be somewhat stressful." _Score._

Cartman and his Mother stood to leave. "Tomorrow, you should meet Mr. Finch here at the tutoring club after school." Cartman rolled his eyes.

"See you there." Marcus smiled.

"See you there…" Cartman repeated.

O-o-O-o-O

**OC form (you can change it up if you so desire but please keep this information in there):**

**Name:**

**Nickname:**

**Gender:**

**Outfit:**

**Appearance:**

**Level of attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10:**

**Personality:**

**Habits:**

**Quotes:**

**Interests/Likes:**

**Dislikes:**

**Friends:**

**Best friend:**

**Enemies:**

**Crush:**

**Family Life/Background:**

**Extra:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Honors Level

**Author: **flannelninja

**A/N:** I had to make a chart of all the OCs I'm using. Characters listed on the chart: Jalen, Mimi, Lilly, AJ, Luke, Alira, Valerie (Val), Kyra, Charlie, Ivory, Sloan, and Jeremy. Sorry if I couldn't use your character. No hard feelings, eh?

**Disclaimer: **I have Marcus Finch and that's about it. I also have a Little Box of Butters, but that doesn't really have anything to do with anything. I just wanted to brag XD

**Chapter 2- **Day 1

Cartman entered the school cafeteria where students (mostly freshman as the sophomores, juniors and seniors had already spent a year cooped up in there and were tired of it) waited each morning for the bell to ring. He could hear people chatting and gossiping about Alira Amber's latest party (as well as the one coming up this weekend. Cartman was no doubt invited, even with his habit of getting drunk and hitting on all the girls only to yell at them and piss himself when he was rejected. He smiled to himself, getting lost in his memories. Alira threw the best parties, and she always invited the hottest girls.

"OOF," The large boy thumped into the skinny Marcus Finch, whose things scattered to the floor. He felt the floor for his giant glasses, apologizing profusely. Cartman laughed maliciously. Silly nerd…

Marcus eventually found his glasses, jumping up, and apologizing once more. "Oh, it's you!" He smiled. Cartman squinted his eyes. Did he know this guy? "It's… uh… me?" Marcus hinted, noticing the look of confusion on the teenager's face. "Marcus?" Cartman blinked. "In the name of justice!" Marcus cried exasperatedly. "The tutor?" Cartman groaned. He had forgotten all about the tutoring and his new schedule. "Anyway… I'm glad I bumped into you." Marcus huffed, looking not so glad at all. "Captain Mackey forgot to tell you when and where we meet."

Marcus handed Cartman a note card that read, "Room 128 Lunch time." Luckily South Park High had an open lunch so they didn't really have to worry about the different lunch periods, and all students could get help.

"It's also on the posters around the school." Marcus said, pointing at the wall. "Now I bid you goodbye. See you at lunch… friend." He added as an afterthought, smiling weakly before adjusting his glasses and walking away.

Cartman giggled at the nerdy hippie's attempts to get through to him, and sauntered over to _his_ table. There sat Kyle, Kenny, Stan, Alira, and Michelle Valle, or as Cartman called her, Wendy's dyke.

Wendy and Stan and Michelle and Kenny had gone out for as long as anyone could remember. That is, until they both "came out." The rest is history. The strange thing was, Michelle and Kenny still flirted. They still hung out all the time… they were still best friends. Cartman probably would have taken out revenge on the bisexual who had scorned his love… but Kenny, he guessed was of a different breed. That or he just thought it was sort of hot and thought he could eventually get into a three way with the lesbian couple. Knowing Kenny, it was plausible.

Alira was telling the guys about her party. "It'll definitely be the party of the year, Stan! Are you coming?"

"Maybe," Stan answered. He had made plans already, but he didn't want to say no to Alira. He was her oldest friend after all. He didn't want to hurt the cute girl's feelings.

"(I'll come!)" Kenny drooled over the girl, happy she was talking to him. After breaking up with Michelle, the blonde was on the prowl. She was showing quite a bit of skin today. He thought he could see her bra straps underneath her black T-shirt. Michelle hit Kenny upside the head… but she, too, was staring at the girl's D-Cups. Alira was known to have the biggest boobs in school. Later, they would discuss the bra straps in detail.

"Uh-huh." Alira answered, not really paying attention to or understanding Kenny in the slightest. "So will you come Stan, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" She whined.

"I'll see what I can do…" Stan replied. Alira squealed, walking away. Cartman, Kenny, and Michelle all watched her boobs bounce away to Craig's table and sighed.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Perverts." Stan shrugged.

"WITH TITTIES LIKE THAT…" Michelle was shushed, and Cartman told her to calm down and use "her friggin' inside voice." "Who wouldn't be?" She whispered.

O-o-O-o-O

The bell rang, and the students dispersed. Cartman and Kyle found themselves arguing and following one another to Mr. Garrison's classroom.

"Asshole, leave me alone and go to class!" Kyle pushed the "Fatass" strolling next to him.

"I am going to class! God, Kahl. Get the sand out of your vagina…" He said, pushing Kyle back. "Or do you want me to get Stan to do it for you?" A spiteful grin spread across his face.

"God that was one time!" Kyle blushed violently. "And everybody does crazy things at Alira's parties…" The two entered the classroom.

"So you admit it!" The larger boy cried. "You liked it!"

"What are you talking about? Why don't you just go to class and stop bothering me?" Kyle folded his arms and slamming his stuff down between Ivory Motscovits and Bebe. Cartman took the seat behind him, next to a dark-skinned boy he knew as Jalen. Wasn't he the kid who had sex with—

Mr. Garrison interrupted his thoughts, closing the door as the bell rang. "Hello, class." He said with a slightly nasally tone. "We have a new student today. Introduce yourself Eric."

Cartman smirked, and stood up in front of the class. Jalen raised an eyebrow. The husky boy could move awful fast for an ounce of attention.

"My name is Eric Cartman and I am—"

"That's enough, Eric. You can take your seat now."

Cartman grumbled and did as the teacher instructed. Kyle and the rest of the class laughed. Jalen shook his head silently. Cartman mumbled something that sounded like "Stupid Jews and Native Americans ruining the fucking country…"

O-o-O-o-O

The bell rang and the first half of the day was finally over. Cartman was elated. Honors level was somehow harder than he had anticipated. He had so much homework… he was sure he could get that Melvin Marcus to do it for him though during lunch. He looked at his watch (that he had fooled Butters into getting for him), and realized it _was_ lunch. He scurried off to Room 128. He wasn't surprised to find it was Mr. Garrison's room. Later Cartman found out he was the sponsor.

Cartman was surprised on the other hand, how many people could fit in the room. He recognized a few faces… Marcus scuttled over to him, pulling himself away from his tutees, and calling the room to silence.

"Members of our group of heroes, please… silence." He begged dramatically. "I wish to introduce you all to Eric Cartman, and introduce him to you. Knights, please stand." The tutors stood, used to his medieval antics. "First up, we have the Duchess Alice Lilinette Martillo Rossini of Languages." A girl with curly black hair curtseyed.

"Hola," she smiled. "Just call me Lilly." Cartman noted that the kids in her group were Jalen Seif (that Indian in his English class), Charlie Hudson (the most flaming queen in school) and A.J. Johansen (a childhood friend and the only female on the football team). He wondered if he could use this to his advantage.

"Next is Princess Kyra McCloud of Mathematics." Marcus decreed.

"Princess" took a little bow. Alira and Val (a girl he had met at Alira's last party) were in her group.

"Then we have Sir Jeremy Motscovits of the Sciences." Sir Jeremy merely itched his nose.

In his group was Kenny (who knew he cared enough to get tutoring?) and Craig were in his group.

"And then finally we have me, King Marcus Finch of History and English!" He beamed; the incident of the morning apparently forgotten completely.

In his group were Ivory (Jeremy Motscovits little sister, as well as the Jewish girl in his English class), Red, and Butters. Is this where Butters had been all year? Studying with Marcus? How lame. Cartman made his way over to this group, and got ready to "learn."

O-o-O-o-O

Holy Shit. How had he come out with more homework than before? Cartman was so confused… This made no sense… this was impossible. Now he would actually have to read the Odyssey! The rest of the room cleared out, except for Butters and Marcus who were now talking about a stupid underground comic book series… and Valerie, A.J. and Cartman.

"Hey Fatass!" A.J. called. "You coming to practice today?"

"Nah, he has to come with me. We have plans." Valerie said protectively. They did, technically have plans. They were going to try to hack into the school system again.

"I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned! And… I'm tired…" Cartman groaned, leaving the room, the girls, and the school behind. He felt it was alright to skip every so often. He sat at home and watched a Terrance and Phillip re-run while eating cheesy poofs. He could do his homework later…


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Honors Level

**Author: **flannelninja

**A/N: **I didn't want anyone to be a sad panda, honest… I just couldn't find a way to fit everyone into the story. It's sad, I know. I love everyone who reviewed… rest assured though; everyone will have a large part in this story. Next chapter will be about Stan and Kyle. OOH! And I found a new OC! His name is Johnny, and he's an amazing little freak.

**Disclaimer: **Well, at least I have Marcus, right? Yeah, and there will be cussing and homophobic terms.

**Chapter 3**- Day 2

Cartman made his way through the cafeteria, plopping down at his table as usual. Kyra, the Math Tutor was sitting there, talking to Stan and Kyle about… he listened in for a moment-"And the arcade got this great new game the other week, it's fantastic"—something he obviously didn't care about. Arcades were for poor people who didn't have money to buy video games. Hippies and Jews spread all their germs around the place. Super Fun Time his ass, those places were dangerous.

His scooted towards Kenny and Mimi (a.k.a. Michelle), who were giggling about something else he probably didn't care about. He listened in anyway. "And then she took his—"Well, that was enough of that. Cartman got up and decided to go find A.J. He had had enough of these fags.

It had taken a couple minutes, but he had eventually found her by the upstairs drinking fountain, bending over and sipping. Cartman smiled deviously, sneakily slipping behind her and gently bashing her head into the noisy machine. Her face landed in the water-y puddle.

"CARTMAN!" The girl whipped around angrily. "What the fuck was that?"

"Meh, doing whatevah I want!" He smirked.

"You and me are going to get into a fight one day, Lard-O," she said, cracking her knuckles.

"You wouldn't." The smirk fell off his face.

A.J. took his hand. "Cartman, I'd never—Charlie Horse!" She giggled, punching him in the arm.

"You dick…" He muttered, pulling his arm away, and rubbing his new bruise.

It was A.J.'s turn to smirk. "Come on, I'll walk you to class, fat boy."

O-o-O-o-O

The two spent the trip idly chatting about their dick of a coach and how tutoring was going for him, and A.J. listened as he complained and bitched about Marcus and all the extra homework he had given him. A.J. warned him that it would be best to actually do the homework, but Cartman simply shrugged it off. The two turned the corner and Eric laid his head in his hands. _God, please don't do this to me again._

It was "Sergeant" Johnny Barlow: His _best friend._ This douche bag managed to find him every other morning and demand a battle of wits, or claim that he would shoot Cartman in the face. Cartman usually wouldn't believe a statement like that, but this kid was crazy. So every morning, Cartman would answer a series of, wait for it, Math questions.

Cartman bid the girl goodbye, and huffed over to the weirdo.

"4 times 68 divided by pi!" The short blonde boy demanded.

"86.62403821656050955414012738854," Cartman replied. Johnny snapped his fingers and left the doorway, allowing Cartman and the other students waiting to step inside. Kyle and the rest of the students looked surprised. Who could have guessed Cartman was actually… smart?

"Good job, Fatass…" Kyle smiled.

Cartman opened his mouth to retort… but, let it go. "Thanks, Jew."

O-o-O-o-O

Charlie Hudson was singing underneath his breath. And it was pissing Cartman off. He was just trying to mind his own business and take the god damn test but the homo was distracting him. He wondered what he was singing. It was probably something from Glee or some shitty musical. He rolled his eye and got ready to turn around and tell the fag to shut it, but before he could, Sloan Motscovits had picked him up by his collar.

"We're trying to take a test, kid." The senior said. Mr. Garrison was too busy watching TMZ on her computer to care. Ivory blushed at her brother's antics, although she was glad someone had stopped the annoying singing, and slid down in her seat. She would deal with him later.

Cartman blinked, as everyone stared at the intimidating giant. Whose bright idea was it to put a senior in a class with freshman? Cartman had a brief epiphany. This was his chance to pass! He stared blatantly at Kyle's paper, checking his answers. He had only gotten one right. "Goddamnit…" He erased the ovals on his scantron.

Kyle raised his eyebrows. Was Cartman… copying off of him? "Hey… Hey! You Fatass! Lay off my answers!" The boy cried.

The other students turned to this. Jalen chuckled deeply to himself. Out of all the people in the class to copy off of, Cartman chose Kyle, the one most likely to cause a fuss. What an idiot… He had finished his test long ago, and now laid his head down to rest. He had spent the last two weeks working… and then he had all the extra homework from tutoring… he had hardly slept at all last night!

Mr. Garrison, finally noticing the students fighting, cheating, yelling, and blushing, got up from his desk and collected the papers, assuming his little scholars were done.

O-o-O-o-O

Cartman couldn't have been happier when the first half of the day was over. The only thing to ruin it was having to go back to tutoring. He hadn't done his homework. He doubted it mattered. Who cares? He strutted into Room 128 and took a seat next to Butters. Ivory was working diligently on some stupid assignment. "Sneaky Jew…" He muttered. Ivory didn't hear him. Butters had a worried look on his face. He hated Eric's quest for attention. "Hey Butters…" Eric called slyly.

Butters bit his lip. "I'ah… 'ello…"

"Did you hear about Sloan's little mishap in 1st period?"

Ivory looked up from her paper. "Please don't go there, Cartman…"

"No, I didn't…" Butters said quietly.

"It'll be a while," said Cartman, gazing vaguely at Ivory, "But I think he's gonna land back in j—"

Ivory broke out in a string of Yiddish cuss words that can be roughly translated to: "Asshole! You fucking fat piece of fuck! You have no right to talk about my fucking family, you fucking Nazi whore! Go fucking die in a fucking ditch of fucking shit!"… Or something like that.

"King Finch" finally made his way across the room and intervened, patting the girl on the shoulder, and mouthing "Leave" to Cartman.

"But—"Cartman started. He hated to admit it, but the tutoring from yesterday had actually helped him understand what was going on in the book. He needed this. Marcus motioned for the door.

"Fine, assholes…" Cartman sneered. "I didn't do your stupid assignments anyway." He slammed the door shut, bumping into Valerie on the way out. She smirked, sensing what was going on and took his hand, intertwining his fingers with her own. A few minutes later, after Cartman had fully explained the situation and traveling a good distance from people, Valerie slugged him.

"What the fuck did you ditch me for yesterday?"

"I thought we were talking about my problems."

"Yeah, well…" Val sniffled. "You hurt my feelings…"

"Don't try that bullshit with me."

Valerie stopped her pretend crying. She could fool all of her friends with her happy exterior, but Cartman knew her evil interior far too well. After all, they had dated for most of middle school. They were matched well, both being the devious and nefarious miscreants that they were. But for some unknown reason, Val had broken up with him. It had hurt Cartman badly, but he forgave her. She was the closest thing he had to a best friend after all.

"I waited around for an hour!" She lied.

"No you didn't…" He rolled his eyes. "Listen… Operation Scandinavian starts tomorrow after school. Be ready."

Valerie's eyes shone with glee. She loved a good scheme.

O-o-O-o-O

Cartman hated running laps. And he hated Luke Johansen, A.J.'s twin, for being good at it. And he hated A.J. who consistently tried to beat her brother by lapping him. She was always just a bit behind him. Cartman didn't care. She had already lapped him twice. Kyle and Stan laughed at the sweat and blood he poured on the field from the bleachers. Assholes.

He ignored Clyde and Luke's cheers and invites to everyone to go to Raisin's with him. He wondered if Luke was going to invite his sister… they had an intense rivalry… but Cartman wasn't going to go if it was just going to be him sitting alone with a box of chicken.

"Hey, Cartman, you coming, man?" Luke asked, only half dressed. Cartman shuddered, feeling very uncomfortable staring at another guy's abs.

"Only if your sister's coming," Cartman wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Fat chance, fat ass," Luke, the chill dude Cartman hung out with sometimes seemed to have been replaced somehow with Luke the overprotective asshole.

"I'm not fat! I'm just—"Cartman started, but no one was listening. They were all too busy trying to calm Luke down. Cartman assumed his invitation had been revoked, and therefore headed for home, where he would down another bag of cheesy poofs, and once again avoid doing his homework.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Honors Level

**Author: **flannelninja

**A/N: **Today is the day… and thank you, you beautiful reviewers. (Marcus: King Finch shines upon you.) This Chapter will focus more on Kyle and Stan. I love those blokes. Don't worry Kenny lovers, Alira's party is coming up and it's sure to be the bomb diggity. Yes, I just said that. -.-

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing: Except Marcus. And your mind! Muah-ha-ha!

**Chapter 4- T**he **T**hrilling **R**omantic **E**scapades **o**f **S**tan **M**arsh **a**nd **K**yle **B**roflovski

Kyle and Stan stared dreamily across the library, watching the librarian talk to various students and help them check out books. Her name was Amy Wang. She was Asian. She wore stilettos. It was hot. In a world where the only hot middle aged women in town were their friend's mothers, Ms. Wang was a worthy subject of gawking. And so they did: Every single flipping day. And it was starting to piss Kyra McCloud off.

She loved her friends. She really did. If she didn't, she probably wouldn't have hung out with them in the first place. But she would go into the library every day after school, and she would ask them, "Hey guys, want to come to the arcade with me?" hoping that she could get an ounce of companionship and possibly show off her mad skills to Stan. And every day their answer would be the same. "Nope. Staring. Sorry." To top it all off, they said it in unison. The decision was unanimous.

But today (the third day of Cartman's new schedule), Kyra McCloud wasn't going to take no for an answer. This had gone on far too long, and although they were "growing boys," she couldn't help but think this obsession with the librarian was unhealthy. They needed to go out, stretch their legs… and play videogames with Kyra.

She walked up to them carefully, a meticulously planned stratagem in her head. She had arguments, she had tactics, and she had a brilliant line of attack. She opened her mouth, and was immediately interrupted. "Nope. Staring. Sorry." She wanted to punch them in their stupid gaping faces. She hated being cut-off more than anything. Suddenly, the plan meant nothing to her. Without warning, she grabbed their hands and dragged them out of the room, not adhering to their boyish cries.

O-o-O-o-O

Kyle and Stan sat at one of the crappy plastic/wood (seriously, who knows what those things are made out of?) tables that made up the food court as Kyra got her healthy smoothie. Really, she was even straight-edge with food! Stan and Kyle looked at her sadly as she returned. It was clear they wanted to go back to the library. Stan even looked a little resentful. Kyra began to get a little nervous. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Let's go," she smiled, but her features gave the boys more of a wince.

They reluctantly got up from the table. On their way to the arcade, they passed an array of familiar faces, and they couldn't help but cheer up while listening to their conversations.

Craig, Tweek and Alira were walking in the opposite direction when they heard this tidbit for example:

"You two would make such an adorable couple!"

"We're not gay…" Craig flipped her off.

"Except for each other," She smiled. "Don't worry, I support my biffles' homosexuality one hundred and twenty percent. When Kyra, Stan and Kyle laughed at this, they were flipped off by the trio as well.

Also in the mall that day: Lilly, the language teacher, and Charlie, the raving homosexual. They appeared to be having an interesting conversation as well:

"OOH! ANOTHER SALE!"

"In my old country, they would tell someone like you 'Chi be vive, ben muore'," said the girl. It was quite obvious that the boy didn't understand.

"Um… yeah…" he drawled, arm locked with hers, "I like shopping, too…"

When the three companions were a safe enough distance away to gossip without being heard. "Hey, Kyra…."

"Yeah, Kyle?"

"What was she saying back there?"

"She says it a lot actually. Apparently it means, 'A good life makes an easy death.'"

"Morbid," Stan muttered.

"Totally…"

O-o-O-o-O

Marcus' nerd senses were tingling. Somewhere, some way… his high score was being beat. "NO!" He cried into Butters' shoulder. "Butters… the symbol of our eternal friendship, and," he coughed, "romance…"

Butters sighed. This happened every day. Curse Kyra and Stan and their affinity for DDR. After they finished their homework together, they'd probably have to go to their arcade and play the game for hours.

O-o-O-o-O

Kyle watched in awe as Stan and Kyra paced the machine, going faster and faster, jumping up in the air occasionally, high-fiving and switching spots every so often… it was amazing. He wished he had coordination. Eventually, Kyra, with her gamers' stamina would run out of breath, and it was Kyle's turn to play. He would always fail within the first twenty-three seconds. Except for that one time… he remembered proudly.

Ivory had been there, watching, too… He sighed at the memory. It had been awesome. He hadn't made the high score board or anything… that was for crazy kids like Marcus and Kyra… or kids like Stan with enough muscle and energy to play for hours and actually practice.

Kyle breathed in deeply. He heard a familiar voice behind him. "Hey…" it said quietly. Oh, shit. Ivory? He could never pull off the score he had last time. He was going to humiliate himself!

**A/N: CLIFFHANGER! **Next chapter we return to Cartman. Eventually there will be a part 2 to this. Probably after Alira's party. This will be the shortest chapter, and hopefully one of the only fillers. It was mostly so I could give everybody else some screen time. Except for Jalen. When will I ever fit you in? –crys-


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Honors Level

**Author: **flannelninja

**A/N: **Okey dokey, all… I know I said this chapter was to focus on Cartman some more… but I feel like writing about the OCs for I love them dearly and can't wait for Alira's party! I feel like I'm actually invited! (Alira: You're not. Please don't come) YAY! So today is…

**Chapter 5-T**he **S**exy **E**xploits **o**f **K**enny and **M**ichelle

**Marcus/N: **When do I get my own chapter? –Gives reviewers the flannelninja medal of honor-

Kenny McCormick woke up that Friday morning with a groan. He was no longer in his dream world of boobies and sexy ladies. Kenny looked in his cracked and stolen vanity. He didn't _look_ like he had died yesterday. He was starting to notice a pattern though. Ever since he had met Michelle, he noticed he had been dying more and more often. But he couldn't just stop talking to her…

She had been his longest girlfriend. She was just as perverted as he was. And who else would he talk about female anatomy with? No one had as much experience with vagina as she did. (Wendy, it was rumored, actually put out for Mimi, not that Kenny had ever been able to coax the knowledge out of her.) And besides that, she was his best friend. And friends don't just stop talking to their best friends. Kenny decided right then and there that that's what _pussies _did.

Outside, John Barlow, the same short blonde that asked Cartman math questions every morning, honked the horn of his very expensive monster-sized truck. (Kenny guessed he was compensating for something.) "(Shit!)" The orange parka wearer cried. He knew John would leave him there in a heartbeat… and that meant Michelle wasn't getting a ride either. She would be totally pissed. Kenny didn't have to change-for some reason he was always reincarnated fully clothed—so he bounded out of the house and into the garage on John's side of the house.

You see, John Barlow was drinking buddies with Kenny's father, Stuart, when he was around twelve. (Stuart was a little too drunk to notice who he was drinking with.)That was when his parents died. So the incredible (and totally insane) John Barlow built an extension to the McCormick household. He didn't bother them; and they were kind of afraid to bother him. It was rumored that he was partnered with the fabled "Mole."

Kenny slammed the car door shut behind him, slightly out of breath from running to the car. "To Mimi's?" He asked.

"To Mimi's," John nodded.

O-o-O-o-O

All throughout South Park, girls were getting ready for school. Wendy was giving her Mother a kiss on the cheek, Bebe was getting into her boyfriend's (the football player, Luke's) car… and Michelle… well Michelle was yelling at her parents. The Valle family bond was strained at best. Michelle swore she had seen her Father watch her change… and had gotten him arrested. From that day on, the family was at odds with each other, and her mother didn't know who to believe.

Michelle made her way up to her room, still grumbling to herself. She reached into the drawer of her bureau and took out a razor blade. She winced as she dragged it across her flesh. If Kenny knew… well… he'd never find out she was hurting herself. She'd never let him know.

Michelle raced into the car, putting on a pair of gloves that covered her arms as she left. She always got the back seat all to herself… and that was just the way she liked it.

"Hey, Ken." She smiled.

"(Nice gloves." The boy mumbled, secretly curious why she was in a "fancy glove mood." "(If only I was the glove upon that hand, the hand that touched those thighs…)" He snickered to himself, and Michelle looked at him curiously, not yet getting the joke.

"Ohhhhhhhhh," she looked down, and noticed her legs were wide open. She cursed her skirt, and giggled. "You ass wipe…" She playfully slapped him upside the head. He winced. The girl was skinny, but she could sure as hell pack a punch.

O-o-O-o-O

Cartman walked to _his _table, as always, sitting right beside Kenny and across from Michelle. "That's when she took her shirt off!" She squealed. Kenny was practically drooling. Did no one care about his entrance? He wandered off to Kyle's half of the table.

"I know, my score was off the chart's… and you wanna know what Ivory said?"

"We already know what Ivory said, Kyle." Stan rolled his eyes. There was a difference between being proud and being a total girl about something.

"Well you want me to tell you again?" Kyle smirked. Cartman looked at him with eyebrows raised, and Kyle closed in on Stan. "Seems our private conversation is being interrupted…"

Cartman was hurt. "Well, fine, faggots. I don't need to hang around here anyhow! I got other friends!"

"Like?"

"Like A.J and Valerie!" Cartman's large blue eyes widened. "Which reminds me… Operation Scandinavian is ago!" With that, Cartman scuttled out of the cafeteria.

"Anyway-"

Alira walked into the room, boom box in hand. All eyes were on her… and she was ready. She had to do this, or she would regret it forever. She flipped on the song, and walked up to Stan's table.

"Stan Marsh…" she began, boom box now held high up in the air. "In Your Eyes," by Peter freaking Gabriel was playing.

"Stan, I think she's trying to John Cusak you." Kyle said quietly.

"Are you? Are you trying to John Cusak me?" Stan asked, shock spread on his face.

"Stan, I've liked you for the longest time—"people began to crowd the table. "And all I want to know is… will you go out with me?"

Kyra entered the cafeteria, a giant smile on her face. That is, until she saw Alira.

Stan considered the options. Here was a girl willing to play Peter Gabriel for him in front of the whole school. Here was a girl with giant breasts. Here was a girl with a great personality, and a beautiful smile, from the looks of it. Alira was his oldest friend. Maybe it was only right that they try this once…

Michelle, noticing the crowd, and being totally on anyone with D-cups' side, began to chant. "Say yes! Say yes! Say yes!" Soon enough, Kenny joined in. And then Bebe and Wendy, and Craig, and all the surrounding students. Hardly anyone was silent… except for Stan, Kyra, and Tweek.

Stan's face suddenly spread into a giant smile. "YES!"

Kyra slowly turned for the exit. The crowd cheered.

O-o-O-o-O

Kenny and Michelle made their way slowly to class, far after the bell had rung. Their teachers were used to it by now anyway.

"Hey, hey…" she smiled, feeling slightly drunk off Alira's success.

"What?"

"Why'd we ever break up?"

"Because you're a lesbian?"

"Oh yeah."

**M/N: **Butters, we never get invited to cool stuff anymore…

**Butters/N: **You've been busy "tutoring me" –blushblushblush-

**A/N: **Thanks for reading! This chapter wasn't my best, to be honest. I hope you know John Cusak is the guy in Say Anything lol And sorry my chapters are so short. I'm trying to work on it, honest!


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